


Is It Cruel Or Just Bad Timing

by faraandmera



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (in the past), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, KH3 spoilers, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Re:Mind Spoilers, expected levels of riku angst, if it happens in canon and is worth of a warning then that, incorrect spelling of namine bc idk how to type the correct character rip, limit cut spoilers, no secret ending/boss spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22689322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faraandmera/pseuds/faraandmera
Summary: Riku looks, for the first time in too long, at hisownwrist. The name sits mocking, cruel. A sinking reminder of what he’s done; the life he helped steal.Roxas.Twilight falls over the islands, outside his window. Riku stands in his room for the first time in over a year and thinks, how cruel.How cruel of the universe to give Roxas so little of his own life, only for his soulmate to choose someone else’s existence over his.
Relationships: Kairi/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Naminé/Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Riku & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), past one-sided riku/sora
Comments: 15
Kudos: 39





	1. Cruel

It’s unfair. Cruel, maybe. Yet Riku almost laughs, when he sees the mark for the first time. Stares down at the name hidden on his improperly-healed wrist, for the first time. And thinks, “oh, of course.”

Of course that would be his fate. The name sits mocking, cruel. A sinking reminder of what he’s done; the life he helped steal.

_Roxas._

Twilight falls over the islands, outside his window. Riku stands in his room for the first time in over a year, and figures it’s fitting. Another reminder. (The Nobodies weren’t nothing. Inhuman. They couldn’t be, if even they had soulmates.)

As a child, Riku didn’t really care about soulmarks. What did they matter, really? They couldn’t be _that_ great, if his best friend wasn’t his. They- or the lack of- didn’t prove anything. As long as they promised to be together, then they would be. The universe’s decided person didn’t matter. If it did, the paopu legend wouldn’t exist, would it?

He didn’t think a lot about it. As soon as Riku found out how it worked- that you had to both learn the persons name, and meet them, for the name to appear- and realized that meant he hadn’t met his, he didn’t think about it.

“We’ll always be friends, right?”

“Duh.”

That was all there was to it, then. Promises meant more than destiny.

Things changed, in a way, when Kairi arrived. Nothing was really _different_, even if their duo became a trio. Even if _Kairi_ was printed on Sora’s skin, and _Sora_ was printed on Kairi’s. They were still his friends. All three of them would always be together, soulmates or not. All three of them would leave, together, eventually.

Years later, as he he went to tell them they needed to head back, he heard something. Something he knew he wasn’t meant to, that pulled at they already-there worry in his chest, aching.

“-Just the two of us.”

He’d heard more- the surprise, the laughing the suggestion off- but it was enough.

Maybe, he thought, that was the reality of soulmates. They would always rather be with each other, than anyone else.

An idea planted in his head that let him be convinced of his path. There were always more reasons, always other things, but the straw that broke the camels back, as they say. It was easy enough to pretend what he was doing would be for the good of all of them, at the end. That he was doing what was right. Convinced himself, even.

He was wrong, of course.

There was something odd, about the Nobodies in the castle. Those who’s soulmarks were visible, were distorted. Blurred like smudged ink, despite being permanent. A sign of them being empty, he’d thought. Of what was lost from when they were human.

Yet, they remained…too human.

Waiting was a task that gave him too much time to think.

(Too much time to realize that Namine gained a mark, after meeting <strike>Xion</strike>, despite whatever DiZ said about them not existing.)

By the time Riku met Roxas, he’d stopped looking at himself. By the time he might have tried to, he wasn’t himself. In a body that wasn’t his, with the name of someone he’d never met scarred over on his shoulder. Another smudged on his right wrist. (So even _he_ had been meant for someone, once.)

Never would have been able to check, if he wanted.

Sora waking was a relief, yet something about it bothered him. The fate of a Nobody is to disappear, right? To return to their original self. Yet the whole thing felt wrong. Even when Namine was convinced this was correct- her want to meet Kairi a sign of this, too- Riku still couldn’t quite agree. Was this really okay?

It was what he wanted, too, though. So he had no right to question it, he thought.

By the time Riku regained his own form, there was too much else to deal with, for him to check.

Though only a moment, guilt eats at Riku when Roxas appears in front of Sora. When he and Namine fully return to Sora and Kairi. As happy as they seemed, it-

“You’re still all you,” Riku says. Still Sora. Still just Sora. Something about that might make the whole thing worse. (At least if part of him really seemed like it wasn’t him, then that would mean it changed something.

But that didn’t make sense.)

“I was jealous,” Riku admits. Sora’s surprise is something that surprises Riku, himself. Hadn’t that been obvious? Hadn’t everything Riku’d done proven how he’d felt.

They return to the Realm of Light. To the islands. Despite how much he’d wanted to leave them, Riku feels nothing but happy, as they land. As he steps onto the sand and Kairi welcomes them- Sora then Riku- back.

And then Riku returns home. It feels simultaneously nostalgic and disorientatingly unfamiliar. For the first time in a long time, he looks at himself. His actual self, especially. He’s grown paler, somehow. Looks as tired as he feels, after the months of worry and the days of battle. Has definitely gotten taller than he thought he had, he realizes, standing next to the mirror that once was his own height.

Sighing, Riku resigns himself to the feeling, until he adjusts the islands again. To "home," again. Reaches to pull the brace from his wrist, wondering if it’s stuck as he was, before transformation, or if it’s healed, even a bit.

The pain he feels trying is proof enough if it healed, it wasn’t properly, but he’s at once distracted from it by the new mark.

_Roxas_.

At once his thoughts come crashing down. How cruel. Of course. That _would_ be his fate. The Nobody- the person- he’d reduced to nothing but a part of his friend. Whose life he stole in order to bring back someone else. (Someone who would never be meant for him, no matter how he wished-) Whose person-hood he refused to acknowledge because it would make him feel guilty. It might be ironic, or just deserved.

But how cruel of the universe to give Roxas so little of his own life, only for his soulmate to choose someone else’s existence over his.

Riku tells no one. What would be the point? It’s not like he even really knew Roxas, so he can’t mourn his absence, not really. Wouldn’t deserve to, anyway.

It’s not long before a letter from Mickey arrives, and the exam shortly after. The idea of being a Keyblade master- an actual one, not what he used to think- is unrealistic to him. How could _he_ be a Keyblade master? He’s barely sure he deserve to wield it at all.

“Maybe I do need to be tested.”

The exam was wrong right from the beginning, whether they knew it or not. It takes a long while after for everything they’ve found out to set it. Longer, still, for the fact _he’s a Keyblade master_ to set in. The whole journey to pick up Kairi, and the journey back to the tower.

As he and Mickey set off into the Realm of Darkness, to find Aqua, Riku realizes just how different he is. How different he feels, back in the Realm of Darkness. Maybe, he realizes, it’s okay for him to really look forward. Not just to move forward, not just to plan for what’s next, but to really _look_ at himself, at the future, and stop doubting himself for what he’d done before. When he’s changed so much.

He’s found the strength- the will- to protect what- who- matters to him. His failure to do so in the past doesn’t devalue that.

Once they save Aqua- after failing and returning- there’s not long of a break before they’re off to fight again. (In the tower, meeting Ventus, Riku feels briefly sick to his stomach, before Ven introduces himself to those he hasn’t met.) Riku only has enough time to speak to Replica Riku, about how long he’s been there, and to see Sora and Kairi share paopu fruits- as if it’s necessary- before all three of them head back to the main island in silence. The upcoming battles- how close they are- setting in.

<strike>“You don’t believe that, I know you don’t.” _You’re not alone_, he wants to say._ I’m here_, he wants to say. _Roxas is with you_, he wants to say. He says none of it. Steps forward to defend them both, knowing there are too many heartless for him to deal with alone. Faithfully willing to give everything up for someone else, as always. (Maybe he can say, at least, this time he did it for Roxas, too.)</strike> <strike></strike>

From battle to battle, there’s no time to really stop to talk to anyone. Despite understanding- despite accepting what he’s doing- Riku can’t help but feel it’s wrong, unfair, that his Replica gives up a possible body for someone else. (“The world already has you.” And “Someone else who needs the replica more.” Echo in his head even after he goes after Ansem.) Even if he agrees Namine deserves to return, as much as anyone else. They should _both_ be able to exist.

He’s running down one path of the labyrinth when memories of Xion return, at once. He stumbles into a wall, as the memories return, before continuing. (“You have to stop him.” Even if Xion hadn’t asked, he would have. Even though Xion asked, it still wasn’t fair.)

Crystal shatters. The visible mark of _Kairi_ on Sora’s forearm turns red. Not scarred, like it should be if she’s died, but wrong. Sora runs in before Riku can react. Hits the ground, again, and startles Riku into action. Hadn’t enough bad happened to them? Hadn’t they been separated enough? They were already here. Already fighting.

Sora goes to fight Xehanort, and everyone else- Goofy and Donald the exceptions- stay behind to keeps Kingdom Hearts at bay. “We need to trust Sora,” Riku says, as they stare down the heart-shaped moon, consumed by darkness. All too quickly they have bigger problem. (The perfect reason not to speak to Roxas.)

They see Sora and Kairi for only a few moments, before they disappear. When they find Sora with Donald and Goofy- and later, when Sora says he’s going after Kairi, alone- Riku realizes things are still more complicated. (When, for any of them, are things not?)

Riku avoids talking to Roxas for a long while. Even when Kairi returns alone. Up until Terra calls him to the Land of Departure, shortly before he, Ventus, and Aqua head back into the Realm of Darkness. Riku briefly heads back Radiant Garden, to see if they’ve made any progress. Kairi remains asleep. It’s too similar to seeing Sora, during that year, that he leaves quickly. Shouldn’t having his soulmate there be enough to find Sora? Why haven’t they-

Riku heads to Twilight town, to see if they’ve found anything. More of nothing, but he can’t leave quickly enough. It’s Xion, who catches him.

“Riku, can I see your wrist?”

“What?” He takes a step back, and she looks at him as if he’s given her exactly the response she expected- wanted. “That was a trick.”

“Yep.” She grins at him for a moment, before her expression softens into something like sympathy. “You should talk to Roxas.”

“I’m pretty sure he hates me.” He must, Riku thinks. Before realizing what her words must mean. “Wait does he-”

“Mhm.” She sighs. “You wouldn’t know it, with the wrist bands.”

“Well-”

“Please, Riku. We’re all- everyone’s having a hard time, you should at least try.”

“Okay.”

He finds Roxas- unsurprisingly- on the clock tower. Though alone, which must be unusual. He looks tired in a way Riku can identify with. Barely looks up when Riku sits a distance away. Silently, Roxas tosses a wrapped ice-cream at him. Riku jumps, nearly dropping it- or falling off of the tower- which gets the first real reaction from Roxas. Laughter.

“What was that for?”

“It’s a _gift_.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to kill me.” Riku stares at the ice-cream, before sighing and unwrapping it. “Thank you?”

“You _don’t_ think I’m trying to kill you?”

“I hope not.”

“We’ll see.” Roxas looks at him, finally. “Did you know?”

“Huh?”

“When we fought. You knew my name, then. I didn’t- I didn’t until just then, and it wasn’t like I was looking.”

“Oh.” Riku looks away. Shakes his head. “I didn’t know until I was back on the islands.”

“Oh.” Riku looks back to Roxas, who leans forward, resting his arms on his legs. Looks over the edge of the tower. “I assumed you just- hm.”

“You thought I knew.” Saying it doesn’t make the realization any less painful. Riku runs a hand over his wrist. “You thought I knew and still- that I didn’t even _hesitate?”_

“I didn’t think very highly of you.”

“Right.”

Roxas sits up, again, and gives a humorless laugh. “At least until I was back in Sora’s heart.”

“Why then?”

“Obviously I realized- remembered? I don’t know- I guess seeing from his perspective, it was pretty obvious you wouldn’t do that.”

“Huh.”

“Wow, Riku, that’s it?”

“Sorry, I just-”

“It’s fine.” Roxas glances at Riku’s wrist, shortly, before looking away again. There’s silence, then Riku reaches to pull his glove off, and then the brace after that. Finally revealing Roxas’s name, there.

“You know I used to be jealous of Sora.”

“I heard, yeah.”

“I used to be jealous of Kairi, too.”

Roxas hums, acknowledging. “Yeah?”

“I thought- it isn’t really fair.”

“Yeah.”

“To you, I mean.”

“Yeah.” A pause. “What?”

“What?”

“What do you _mean_?”

“I mean you deserve more than a soulmate who basically took your life away from you and- or who did that for someone else, especially when-”

“Oh my god, Riku, shut up.” Roxas kicks his legs, sharply. Riku jumps.

“Ow?”

“You didn’t know, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Great, okay, so I broke your wrist, right?”

“Um- yes?”

“I can’t _believe_ the universe would be so mean to you that your soulmate broke your wrist and would have killed you.”

“That’s not really- you didn’t-” Riku stops. “Oh, that’s your point.”

“Yeah, Idiot.” Roxas rolls his eyes. Then he points to the ice cream. “So you gonna eat that or waste my gift?”

Riku laughs, and holds it out to Roxas, who takes it without hesitation. “I’ve gotta- I’m going to talk to Mickey, about this whole thing…”

“Right.” Riku stands. “Hey, Riku?”

“Yeah?”

“When we find Sora, we should all get together.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Riku nods. “We can talk details later- you were given a gummiphone, right?”

“Yep.” Roxas nods. “Later.”

It’s a whole year before they get _anything_ like a clue. First with the data Cid constructs- on accident, apparently- that has Riku struggling to get data Sora through fights. Though data Sora can act on his own, should they ask him to do something, Riku stays around, giving direction to him, and watching him fail and return to fight each time. (“What if this doesn’t work?” Riku asks Roxas. “Then we’ll find something else,” Roxas tells him.) Though that turns out to be _pointless_.

Then when Fairy Godmother shows up, saying Riku might hold the key- his dreams might. He almost laughs. Doesn’t, too stunned, but it’s tempting.

How cruel. Kairi put herself to sleep, for a year, to try and find her soulmate, only for someone else to hold the first clue.

“I don’t know what I’m going to tell her, when she wakes up.”

“That it’s a dream eater thing?”

“I’m serious.”

“But am I wrong?”

“Roxas.”

“Riku.” Roxas laughs. “Come on, cheer up. This is out first clue! I was literally a _part_ of Sora, and didn’t have any clues, I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“Right.”

It’s longer, still, before they find Sora. Before Riku drags him back, finally. True to what Roxas said, Kairi is just happy they’ve found him, even if she’s disappointed she wasn’t more help. Everyone gathers on the islands, and for a moment, they finally have _peace_.

Which really just means Riku finally has time- energy- to think about the obvious thing he’s still avoiding.

He may know that Roxas doesn’t _hate him_, now, but they still aren’t _close_. Closer than Riku is with a lot of the others, sure, but that doesn’t mean much, really. Mickey, Sora, and Terra aside, Riku barely knows most of the others. He hasn’t spoken, properly, with Kairi in so long he barely feels like he knows her, anymore. He talks to Xion and Namine, but rarely.

His talking so often to Roxas is _something_, sure, but…

Roxas has a lot of friends. Which is good, he deserves that, especially after everything. But that just means, despite the mark- which Riku still hasn’t _seen_\- Riku isn’t special, for Roxas. To Roxas, most likely.

“Riku! What are you thinking about?” Sora hops up to sit next to Riku, on the bridge leading to the tree. A different part of the island, but the position is familiar.

“Oh- uh- soulmates.”

“Did you meet yours while I was gone?!” Sora leans towards Riku, staring at his face. Riku jumps, leaning away. _Right_, he realizes, he never told Sora. Never told _anyone_.

“Well- technically.”

“Technically?”

“Uh- well- I met him while you were asleep.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” Sora’s pouting makes Riku laugh.

“Sorry, sorry. I just didn’t have a chance, and-” and he didn’t want Sora to somehow feel responsible for what happened.

“And?” Sora stresses the word, but Riku shakes his head. “So, who is it?”

“Roxas.” Riku finds the admission comes too easily, for how much he’s avoided it. Sora blinks at him, surprised, and then grins. The same expression he wore when Riku woke after waking Sora’s heart, during the exam.

“That’s great!”

“Is- is it?’

“Yeah!”

“If you say so.”

“Do you not think so?”

“I just think- uh- I don’t think _Roxas_ would agree.”

Sora hums. “I don’t know. Have you asked him?”

“Uh- no?”

“You should.” Sora reaches for his own gummiphone and Riku jumps, snatching it out of Sora’s hand.

“Sora!”

“What?” The word is a childish whining that Riku tries not to laugh at.

“I’ll- I’ll talk to him myself, okay?”

“Will you?” Sora eyes him. Riku sighs.

“Yes, I promise. I’ll even go in person.”

Sora’s grin returns. “Okay.”

“Why are _you_ so happy?”

“Huh?” Sora blinks. “Why wouldn’t I be? Two of my favourite people are soulmates!”

“Favourite people,” Riku repeats. A long time ago, the words would have both given him false hope, and made his chest ache with jealously. (Because being one of Sora’s favourite people wouldn’t make him his soulmate.) Without realizing it, something must have changed. Riku feels neither of those things. Only the happiness that being Sora’s friend _should_ bring.

“Yeah!”

“Okay, well, I’m going to head back.” Riku looks towards the sun, setting towards the main island. “You coming, dork?”

“Hey!” Sora calls, as Riku jumps down, and starts walking to the boats.

Tomorrow, Riku promises himself, he’ll head to Twilight Town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops i didn't think i shipped this but the idea would just NOT leave me
> 
> some things that aren't super important. universe fun facts, if you will: ansem sod has two marks, bc it was terra's body (so his soulmark) but had another heart *controlling* it for so long that it manifested xeha's soulmark. (The controlling part is improtant, bc it why that happened, but sora doesn't have ven/roxas/xions soulmarks)  
the soulmarks are like tattoos, and are on the same spot for the people that share one, but each pairs is placed differently (obviously some people have the same spots, but it's basically random.) the nobodies smudged marks were bc they had (temporary) forgotten how to feel (as their hearts reformed, if they had realized that they felt something, it would become clearer.) marks also smudge if someone forgets the person who's their soulmate. (Namine's would be smudged, after xion returns to sora)  
they turn into scars when the other person dies. Sora's only turned red, bc kairi's had *just* been "killed" (and wasn't 100% gone, yet, anyway)
> 
> anyway........i can't decide if it c2 should still be rikus perspective, or be roxas's
> 
> talk to me about kh yeah? (twt is @MLsNonsense or tumblr is faronisisioni)


	2. Expected Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas has had a lot of feelings about Riku. Anger, hatred, annoyance. Confusion, hurt. Joy, friendship, hope. He can easily pick out ones he knows came from him. The rest he sorts through with uncertainty. Are they from Sora? Are they from of himself? Are they because of the mark on his wrist?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This will only be two chapters" I said, posting chapter 1  
"okay, hear me out-" me, now.
> 
> i'll try to finish it last chapter, i just realized i had too much i wanted to go over between them, first.  
and honestly i can't picture them sorting everything out that quickly. i mean these two? have their emotions in order? please.
> 
> anyway! thanks for all the comments on the last chapter~ they made me finally *write* this chapter, since i've know what it was going to be and just couldn't make myself actually write for days on end.

In the time he’s known Riku, Roxas has had a lot of thoughts about the other. Feelings. Some- a lot, at the beginning- negative. Some- more over time- positive.

Roxas had thought he hated Riku, once. Had thought Riku was an awful person, once. Had been perfectly ready to strike the other down, once. When he returned to Twilight Town- finally _himself_ and nothing else- it had been bittersweet, for many reasons. There was too much going on to be upset- or acknowledge at all- the mark of _Riku_ on his wrist. While he might not have hated the other, anymore, he still didn’t _like_ Riku, so it was something he promised himself to think about later.

Later was when Xion saw it, and connected the dots. She’s usually as lost as he is, when it comes to the ways of the worlds, but this was something she knew more about. _Soulmates._

And wasn’t that just _fantastic._

Truthfully, it took more than a few questions at people who knew more- Xion, Axel, Namine, Saix, and even Hayner, Pence, and Olette- before Roxas thought he understood what a _soulmate_ even was. Someone you’re destined to. Tied to forever. Someone you’re supposed to _love_, or at least like.

Roxas didn’t hate Riku, anymore. Roxas didn’t think Riku was an _awful_ person, anymore. He isn’t about to fight the other to the death, or anything, anymore. But part of him still didn’t _like_ Riku. Any fondness he might feel, he was sure must have come from Sora. From being in his heart. They are best friends, it’s only natural Roxas would absorb some of that.

Still, if he was tied to Riku, Roxas could try. A little. At the very least try to be his friend. If he could forgive Saix and be _his_ friend, then surely he could try with Riku, too.

It’s easy.

Roxas hears the words, “I didn’t know until I was back on the islands,” and suddenly it’s _easy._ It doesn’t undo all the hurt- all the things Riku’s guilt for is obvious- but it makes it easy to accept Riku’s apologies, in whatever form they come in.

Roxas has felt a lot of things about Riku. Some of those things have always been his own. Some of them…

Roxas loves Sora. Really, he does. It’s hard not to like Sora, in general, and Roxas has spent too much time with him- in his heart- not to like him. (“You deserve, as much as I do, to be your own person,” rings in heart, warm.) But being a, “part of him,” so long has had it’s downsides. In knowing his own existence, and in knowing his own feelings.

Being friends with Riku is easy. Just not in the way being friends with the others is. Not in a way that is his own.

Being friends with Xion and Axel is easy, they’ve had plenty of time to become that, and plenty more since Sora’s disappearance- and then his return- to resolve the issues they had with each other. Being friends with Namine is easy, in that she’s just an easy person to be around. Being friends with Hayner, Pence, and Olette is easy, because he already _was_, even if they didn’t know him, in reality.

Being friends with Riku is too easy, because Roxas keeps finding himself falling into patterns that Sora would follow. The problems are twofold. Riku doesn’t _expect_ Roxas to act like Sora. Is startled in the rare instances where Roxas doesn’t manage to stop himself. Riku doesn’t follow the same patterns, because Roxas isn’t the one he’s used to following them.

And Roxas doesn’t _want_ to do that. Doesn’t want to be Riku’s friend on the pretense that he’ll be like Sora.

It was easier, in a way, when Sora was gone. Roxas rarely saw Riku in person, so it was easy to halt himself.

Being friends with Riku shouldn’t be easy. Because he’d _hated_ Riku, once. Because even if he didn’t now, that should affect _something_.

He wonders if Riku has as hard a time as he does, figuring out how they’re supposed to be friends. (If he also doesn’t know where to even begin with the soulmate business.)

Riku visits Twilight Town one day, a few months after Sora’s return. Roxas knows enough about Riku to notice he has something on his mind, but whatever it is isn’t what they talk about.

“You know,” Riku begins, as they sit on the roof of one of Twilight Towns many buildings. Not the clock tower- where Riku always seems uncomfortable, for some reason- but sitting on the edge, legs over the side, anyway. “Sora said you’re one of his _favourite people.”_

“Mhm.” Roxas hums. Laughs when Riku stumbles over a reaction, unprepared for the response. “Talking to Sora about me?”

“Uh- kind of?”

“Riku.” Roxas twirls the stick from a long-gone ice cream between his hands, not looking at Riku.

“Yeah?”

_Why are you here_, he wants to ask. Or, maybe, to be more selfish. To ask, _are we friends, now?_ Because it’s too easy, and too difficult, and Roxas isn’t sure if it’s just _someone else_ that makes him think Riku is his friend. Instead he asks, “how have you been?”

Riku startles at the question- though Roxas can’t even begin to figure out why- as if he didn’t expect it. As if it’s unusual. “I- uh- good?” A pause. “You?”

“I had no idea how much school _sucked_, when I wanted to have a normal-kid’s life.” Riku laughs at that, and Roxas finds himself smiling at the sound.

“Oh, yeah? You could try homeschooling?”

“No way.” Roxas shakes his head. “That means they win.”

“They?”

“They.” Roxas nods. “Besides, all my friends go to school, so.” Roxas shrugs. Riku hums, like he’s considering something. Roxas meets his eyes, just as Riku finally speaks.

“Not _all_ of them.”

“No, all of them.” Riku flinches at the words, and Roxas stumbles into the realization of what he just implied.

“Poor Axel,” Riku says, instead of pointing out what they’re both thinking. _Not me,_ Riku meant. _You’re not my friend,_ Roxas words could easily mean.

“Hey, you know that’s not what I mean!” Roxas huffs, looking away. Hoping the words will ease the sudden uncomfortable- painful- feeling in his chest. “Fine. _Most_ of them. You and Axel are exceptions, okay?”

“We are,” Riku says, quietly. _We_, he says, like he doesn’t quite believe it. “Roxas?”

“What?” Roxas turns back to Riku. Watches Riku’s expression turn into a too-familiar one of hesitation. Soft, worried. One he’s worn too often for Roxas.

“Do you- are you-” Riku shakes his head- “Do you wish you had a different soulmate?”

_No,_ Roxas thinks immediately. No consideration, his mind supplies an instant _no._ The decisiveness of his thoughts surprises him enough that he pauses. Riku’s expression shifts to distress, and Roxas breathes a sigh.

“No.”

“Oh.”

_Destined people._ That’s what soulmates are. So Roxas has been told. Roxas still doesn’t really know what that means. They’re meant to love each other? Is that it? Why do they _need_ them? Isn’t what they want, enough? But would he have bothered to try, if they weren’t?

“I don’t really think it matters.”

“Oh,” Riku says again. The hurt in his tone is something Roxas doesn’t understand. Doesn’t know how to undo.

They’re silent for a time. Finally, Roxas asks, “Why?”

“Uh- no- just wanted to… make sure.”

“Make sure?”

“Yeah.”

Roxas has had a lot of feelings about Riku. Anger, hatred, annoyance. Confusion, hurt. Joy, friendship, hope. He can easily pick out ones he knows came from him. The rest he sorts through with uncertainty. Are they from Sora? Are they from of himself? Are they because of the mark on his wrist?

“Sora, can I ask you something?”

“Sure thing, Roxas!” Sora grins, unperturbed by Roxas’ sudden question, let alone his sudden call. “What is it?”

“Have you ever hated Riku?”

“What?! Of course not.”

“Oh.” Roxas nods, mostly to himself. “Been annoyed?”

“Oh, that? Yeah.”

“Okay.” Roxas nods again.

“Roxas, is something wrong?”

“No- well- no. It’s fine. Do you like Riku?”

“Of course. He’s my best friend.”

“Right, right.”

“Roxas?”

“He’s my soulmate.”

“I heard.”

“Oh. Uh- does that bother you?”

“What?” Sora’s genuine confusion makes Roxas realize how _weird_ a question that is. How dumb of one it is. “I think it’s a good thing!”

“You do?”

“Sure!”

“Okay. Thanks, Sora.”

Roxas doesn’t know why he thought it might bother Sora. It takes him a while to cling onto an answer; he would be bothered.

Roxas has felt a lot of things about Riku. They must all be his own, because he can pick out sources for all of them, if he tires hard enough. All except that one.

“You’re going to the Land of Departure?”

“Yeah.” Riku nods, from the other side of a screen. “Aqua asked me to help them with things.”

“Keyblade things.” Riku gives a small, “mhm,” in response. “Guess I know why Axel said he was packing.”

“Yeah. Kairi’s going too. Oh- right- I was supposed to ask you and Xion.”

“We’re in school.”

“Weekends exist.”

“I’ll let her know.”

“Okay.”

Roxas is sitting in class, realizing not for the first time that _normal_ life is a lot more… boring than his life before. It’s not bad, but…

“Are you thinking about going?” Xion asks, as the bell rings. Turns in her seat to face him. Roxas gives a noncommittal shrug. As if he _hasn’t_ spent the past four days thinking almost exclusively about it. From what he’s heard, Axel and Kairi are getting more training, this time alongside Ven, and from Aqua and Riku. Terra must be going through- or already went through- his own Mark of Mastery.

Roxas doesn’t really care about being a Keyblade wielder- let alone master. It wasn’t as if his time wielding one ever came with much besides stress. Xion had already told him she had decided not to. That she was fine like this. Roxas though he was too, but…

“Roxas.” Xion narrows her eyes at him. Disappointment on her face.

“What?”

“Be honest with me.”

“I-” Roxas shakes his head as they stand. “Maybe? I don’t know.”

“What’s up?”

“I want to go.”

“Okay.”

“I just don’t know why. I don’t really _care_ about being a keyblade wielder.”

“You want to see the others?”

“I guess.”

Xion hums, considering. Then she grabs his arm- his wrist- and pulls him to a stop in the hallway. “Your soulmate is there.”

”S-so?”

“You don’t want to see Riku?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

Roxas has felt a lot about Riku. But the reality of it is he _doesn’t know_ what he feels about him _now._ He wants to be his friend, he thinks. But it’s difficult, and he never knows what to say so he ends up thinking too much about what someone else would say. He doesn’t hate Riku anymore, but he doesn’t know if he likes him, or if he just thinks he’s _supposed_ to.

“I don’t know,” Roxas repeats. Xion takes a step closer, and he leans to knock their shoulders together, before they continue walking. Her expression is understanding, waiting. “I really thought I’d figured it out.”

“What out?”

“Who _I_ am.” Xion nods, still understanding. More understanding. She must know- even more than Roxas himself- what that uncertainty felt like. “But I don’t know how I feel, or how I’m _supposed to feel_ about having a soulmate. About Riku at all.”

“That’s okay.”

“You think?”

“I think _normal people_ are like that too.”

“Sora and Kairi aren’t.”

“They aren’t normal.”

“...Okay.”

Roxas has never actually been to the Land of Departure- a trip to Castle Oblivion doesn’t really count- but he finds himself there a little over a week later. It’s just his luck Sora is also paying a visit.

Roxas makes his way up to the area he was told Riku is, and comes to a stop next to a corner, as he turns it. Finds Riku in the middle of laughing at something Sora either did or said, and somewhere in his chest there’s a dull feeling he can’t quite place. Riku turns, sees Roxas, and his expression softens into something Roxas also can’t place. Figures maybe not being able to place their feelings is just something between them. Wishes it wasn’t.

“Roxas!” Sora is the first to actually _speak_ between the three of them.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Roxas,” Riku greets, finally. Raises his hand- the one that sits above the mark of Roxas’ name- in greeting. It’s _probably_ not on purpose, but Roxas raises his same hand to wave. Then he realizes… Riku has never _seen_ Roxas’ mark. Wonders why he suddenly wishes he'd shown it to him.

“Hey- uh- Sora?” Roxas turns to Sora, who nods. “Can I borrow Riku?”

“Sure.”

“What’s up?” Riku asks, once Sora has gone off saying he’s going to find Kairi. Riku is at the same time tense and friendly. Standing in a way that _should_ look relaxed, were he not so tense. Roxas wonders if it’s Riku’s own worries, or something Roxas did or said that’s made him uncomfortable around Roxas.

“Not to- uh- make _every_ conversation about our soulmate thing.”

“But you want to talk about it, again?”

“Yeah.” Riku gives a small laugh at that. Something understanding. Roxas looks away. “I still don’t- I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to- how I _do_ feel about it. About _you.”_

“Oh.” A pause. One strangely less uncomfortable than expected. “That’s okay. It makes sense.”

“Does it?”

“We-” Riku shakes his head. “I don’t really know how to feel about it, either. And- well- it was just unfortunate.”

“_What _was?” Roxas doesn’t mean how accusing he sounds, when he turns to Riku. Isn’t sure why he does. Why he feels- what is that? Worried? Hurt? Whatever it is, he doesn’t like it. Doesn’t like that he can’t place it.

“The- when we met.”

“When we met.” Not _that they’re soulmates at all_, then. Roxas sighs- relieved though he didn’t realize himself that, that was the worry- and nods.

They’re silent, for a while. Not entirely uncomfortable. Understanding, maybe. Roxas shifts, taking a small step closer to Riku. They can’t pretend what’s happened didn’t. There are permanent reminders for both of them. Riku’s physical- his improperly healed wrist- and Roxas’ memories- he has so few that he can’t ignore them.

“I want to be your friend,” Riku says, finally. It breaks the silence, and makes Roxas look at him. Meet his eyes. “We don’t have to worry about the marks or how we’re _supposed_ to feel. I just want to be your friend, for now.”

_For now_, he says. Roxas files that away to think about some other time. “Okay.” He holds out a hand, and Riku smiles- amused- when they shakes hands. “Friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always worry that i'm putting too much sora-related stuff in this, but he's really important to *both* of them, and their connection to each other (soulmate thing notwithstanding) so.........

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always greatly appreciated!


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